Life Without Thumbs

As temperatures drop and autumn begins its relentless trudge towards winter, often impersonating that impending season with frightening accuracy, my hands begin their annual journey into nonfunctioning appendages.

I lose the use of my thumbs mostly when it becomes damp and cold out.

I have developed osteoarthritis.

Fortunately, we humans really don’t use our thumbs for much, so it’s truly not much of a loss.

Oh wait, cancel that.

Life without thumbs is a bitch.

Just a few days ago I grabbed my phone as I got out of the car, swinging my hand down to slip said phone into my pocket, and whoooooosh! Due to the lack of grip, my lovely link to the outside world went sailing through the air and rocketed against the ground with a sickening crunch.

Darn.

Anyone know how to replace the face glass on a Galaxy S3?

Life without thumbs is challenging.

Gripping, pulling, lifting, holding, pinching, grasping, tugging, turning, and manipulating are all skills of my recent past.

I move into a season of my life that deprives me of brushing, tweezing, braiding, nail clipping, tying shoes, packaging, arts and crafts, buttoning, painting, picking, carpentry, zipping, baking, wrench turning, playing music, wearing jewelry, and using sign language.

The sign language thing is okay since I’ve actually never learned sign.

But still…

I wear slip on shoes, clothes with elastic and Velcro, and big pockets to rest those useless digits. I am unable to hitchhike. I should probably alert my bank to the fact that my signature is vastly different.

Even Charmin has become a challenge.

Life without thumbs is my new reality for the next six months.